Amazon's Going to Change Your Diapers

By: Natalie Mootz | January 21, 2015 (Edited July 7, 2017)

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In its quest to become the be-all and end-all for your every whim, Amazon is upping its game with the announcement that it's now going to change your diapers.

Okay, maybe they won't be changing your diapers (and I'm sorry I embarrassed you by bringing it up -- again), but your kid's diapers will most certainly be changed by Jeff Bezos himself.

Hm. Something about that doesn't sound right, either. Let me go read the GigaOm article again. BRB.

Alright, I'm back, thanks for waiting. So, see, it turns out when you read it correctly that Amazon's not actually changing the poopy diapers for anyone. Instead, they are changing the clean ones. And by "changing" I mean "discontinuing." (My bad.)

Amazon notified its "Amazon Elements Soft & Cozy Diapers" customers today that they are discontinuing the diapers until they can improve the design, despite it being less than two months after launch.

Now, I'm no expert, but building a diaper doesn't seem like rocket science to me. I mean, we've had diaper technology for several years now, right? In fact, if my high school history was correct -- and this is debatable since I went to school in the South -- not only did they have diapers back in the 20th century, but they also had diapers in what was known as (not at the time, of course) the Stone Age. Cavemen didn't just let their babies "go" all over their hard-won animal skin tunics. That's just crazy!

What could possibly have gone wrong with the design? Not enough leg holes? Too many leg holes? Arm holes?? ZipLoc fasteners? Were they in some way edible and babies took advantage?? Maybe it was just a naming problem. "Elements diapers" sounds to me like something that requires a radiation suit.

Well, I guess we'll never know. That's probably for the best. I had a long think about which of our graphics to use for this post. I had originally gone with "Movers & Shakers." However, just in the nick of time I realized that, boy, could THAT be taken out of context too! Anyway, I just went with News Alert.

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Written by Natalie Mootz

Natalie has been writing for the web since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Or at least since dinosaurs achieved blogging technology. She's also written for About.com and Joystiq.

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