Hilarious Amazon Reviews – Last Call

By: Natalie Mootz | March 3, 2015 (Edited July 7, 2017)


Ah, 'tis with a heavy heart I give you our last weekly post about funny Amazon reviews. (If you're new, you can read previous posts Part 1Part 2, and Part 3, and Part 4.) But never fear, intrepid readers, I shall leave you with a place to find more of this fare elsewhere!

Denon Dedicated Link Cable
Price: $8,000

  • "Brad shouted from the kitchen that he was detecting elevated tachyon levels from our Vita-Mix, so we immediately diverted power to our forward Romco Rotisserie array."
  • "Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it."
  • "A caution to people buying these: if you do not follow the "directional markings" on the cables, your music will play backwards."

Wenger Giant Swiss Army Knife

  • "I forgot the knife in the front pocket of my Swiss Army shorts and when my wife washed them it completely disassembled our washing machine."
  • "If you open up all the attachments in the right order and align them at the proper angles, you can actually hold it up to your eye and view the elusive Higgs Boson particle. I did it once."
  • "I ould not recommend thi tool. Too dngerou."

Luke Skywalker Ceremonial Jacket with Medal of Yavin

  • "Wearing this jacket increases your chances of wrecking your Trans Am, having your hand cut off by your father or passionately kissing your sister."
  • "The material does not compare to most standard issue Jedi robes and cloaks."
  • "Wife's gift to me for getting job as photographer for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition!"

The Daddle

  • "Not Appropriate For Dressage! Please note that this Daddle is Western Style and will not be appropriate for those trained in the English Father Riding Method."
  • "After a long day of being ridden by my children, I was grazing on some nearby greens when my daughter dropped a dish on the ground. It broke and the noise of it spooked me, causing me to rear back and kick my son in the head."
  • "While riding my father, he sprained an ankle very badly. I knew at that moment that he wasn't going to be able to give me rides anymore, so with a long face I pulled out my .22 and put him out of his misery."

To get your fix of funny reviews in the future, you can always follow Amazon's own dynamic lists of humorous reviews here.

Leave us your favorite quotes and links to their Amazon reviews in the comments!

Check out our reviews of Amazon and other online bookstores here.


Top of Page keyboard_arrow_right

author image

Written by Natalie Mootz

Natalie has been writing for the web since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Or at least since dinosaurs achieved blogging technology. She's also written for About.com and Joystiq.

Compare the top ranked companies

Find the right company for you.