Hilarious Amazon Reviews – Part 3

By: Natalie Mootz  |  February 18, 2015


Just when you thought it was safe to go back to reading Amazon reviews — here’s part three of our hilarious Amazon reviews series! (Newcomers can check out Part 1 and Part 2.)

Put on your Horse Head Mask and your tinfoil hat and let’s begin this week’s amusements.

The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification

  • This book is easily one of the top four reference guides for shopping carts available on the market today.
  • The reference is unimpeachable, the quality fine, the photographs apt, the circles round
  • I would love to rate this particular treatise as highly as I did the author’s previous works: “Potato Science – An Ethical Discourse.”

People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead: How They Attach Themselves to Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It

  • There isn’t a lot of self-help stuff, as the title implies.
  • A dead gambler once attached to me and kept asking for football updates and lottery tickets. For a while, I just went with it.
  • I saw this happen several times in a doom buggy at the haunted mansion.

U-Boat Men’s 7107 Chimera Silver 925 Watch
Price: $11,650.00

  • It puts my clock to shame, except my clock had ALL the numbers on it.
  • Not only tells me what time it is, but also makes the statement that I am willing to sell my family on the black market for a watch!
  • If you tap on it three times it turns into an actual submarine.

Tuscan Whole Milk

  • This product copiously leaks out of my nose whenever I read these reviews.
  • “Tuscan Whole Milk” can be re-arranged to say “I’ll know mustache”. Coincidence? I think not.
  • [Blogger’s note: Click here to go to Amazon and read the lovingly crafted poem about Tuscan Whole Milk crafted as tribute to Edgar Allen Poe’s epic poem The Raven. The reviewer even signed his name as “Edgar.”]

About Natalie Mootz

Natalie has been writing for the web since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Or at least since dinosaurs achieved blogging technology. She's also written for About.com and Joystiq.


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